Shifting the paradigm

Why do we continue to define people via masculinity and  femininity?

Despite the awareness of being gender neutral with raising our children, conditioning still prevails in the media, and in advertising with the objectification of women and 2-dimensional representation of men. Keeping the ‘sexes’ at war, has a manipulative agenda of keeping people busy focussing on difference and not thinking of how we can celebrate our beingness together (which includes every aspect of humanity) and live symbiotically. it means people are still subconsciously controlled by these old toxic paradigms.

It is not until we shift this, that we will have any progress with how women are treated, domestic and family violence, men choosing violence and structural violence.

Women are conditioned with many many dictates of how we should be – many of these contradictory to each other – eg the slut in the bedroom, the classy woman at a work function, the motherly woman to the children and the chef in the kitchen to serve. Women are taught to put themselves last and if they move ahead in careers they are ‘ball breakers’. Trying to be ‘a woman’ is impossible with all this rubbish.

Likewise for men.

Men are told ‘just be a man’, ‘man up’ – and they are left to figure out what this means as none of them really know, except what they are portrayed to be in movies, media and advertising.

They are most definitely told not to be ‘girls’. They are told to keep their emotions in check, not to show weakness, don’t be a pussy, not to be piss weak, not to be gutless, that they will never amount to anything, not to be afraid, never to ask for help, that they are lacking if they don’t ‘score’ a woman, that they cant dance, be hairdressers, or do other ‘feminine’ things. If they do this they are called ‘a faggot’ or ‘gay’. Heaven forbid if they are gay.

The whole concept of ‘manhood’ presented to men is to be strong, unbeatable, successful at whatever cost, and protectors of ‘weak vulnerable useless women’ . They are told to ‘grow some balls’ ‘live hard, play hard’, be rough, tough strong, stoic, that they need to control their woman or they are ‘hen pecked’. That they need to eat meat, that they must be in control of everything,be succesful at everything even if they have never done it before, they must succeed and not fail.

All of these lead to the erosion of the wholeness of men and the objectification of women.

If we want change we need to stop hating men and start looking behind what they have also been conditioned to be. It doesn’t mean we condone violence, coercion and control, as they are behaviours that need to change.

On both sides. Women also control and manipulate men. But they generally don’t kill them or rape them.

Men have the highest suicide rates across the world. Why is this?

Men are lost. Many are victims of violence in their family of origin and many need to heal these wounds and start choosing more respectful behaviours and attitudes towards women.

To break the cycle.

They also need to learn to love themselves and start expressing all of who they are; their emotions their vullnerabilities, their dreams their desires, their confusion.

Women need to also start allowing their men to be all of themselves and not expecting men to be the impossible: The knight in shining armour, the protector, the strong man. Men can be both vulnerable and strong.  Some of the most amazing men I have met are passionate, vulnerable, real, open and loving and their strength is their vision and what they stand for. These men stand for respect, authenticity, being grateful for others, supporting of themselves and their evolvement and that of their partners. The most amazing women I have met embody the same characteristics.

I have worked with family violence, for many many years as well as corporate violence.  I have  worked with women in violent situations and men who have been manipulated by women. I have worked with perpetrators of violence on both sides.

When someone chooses to look within and to really examine their behaviours, attitudes, judgements, expectations and assumptions, make changes and maintain them, then in my book they are the most courageous of all.

So lets stop categorising everyone, start being totally authentic to who we are, examining where we can all evolve and  have more awareness  and start working together for change.