During my decades of working with people as Individuals, couples and groups and with varied genders, preferences and attractions I have heard much about their experiences of love, intimacy, sex and sensuality.
Recently I was privileged to be present while a group of about 20 men shared their thoughts, feelings, traumas, hopes, wishes and experiences with humility, candour and respect to us as a group of women. As women we also candidly expressed to the men.
What came through on both sides was a deep desire to empower, support and honour each other, be in integrity and respect and with clear authentic communication. To be in trust so we can fully express ourselves and to genuinely deeply connect so that this is multidimensional.
The essence is that we are the same more than we are different. Both men and women have trauma, emotional challenges, fears, insecurities, hopes and dreams and a desire to connect body heart mind and soul. We all need to feel heard, to be esteemed in the eyes of our beloveds and to feel that they have our back. We need to know we can sink into their embrace and be truly held, that we can share our deepest wishes and hurts in a sacred safe space.
As we discussed what is love, we found that humanity and resonant connection are the most important factors.
When we discussed intimacy we acknowledged our innate need to connect and to have that connection present with all we are in relationship with, to have that connection throughout the day in words, actions and energy, affection in the spirit of authenticity, respect, appreciation and playfulness
Men said the best sex they have had is when they are in a love relationship of trust and honour where they can surrender totally to their woman emotionally, physically and spiritually and when their women do the same. There is deep safety, respect and authentic genuine communication. The women agreed.
But also on both sides was the acknowledgement that sometimes one can have mind blowing great sex with someone in a one off situation where there is a high chemical and vibrational match that is beyond words. The stars align and the pleasure explodes.
Both groups talked about how they absolutely want to hear each other’s deepest desires and experience and their feedback if something isn’t working or feeling right, but that this must be from a place of individual ‘I’ sharing never blaming and shaming and that feeling free and safe to share is the stuff of true intimacy.
As well as the above, the teamwork of solving things together created the trust and amplification of the Union leading to one plus one equalling three.
Both groups shared a deep desire to support each other when there has been previous trauma. We shared about consent, checking in, giving and receiving and that in a space of deep trust we can explore the outer reaches of our desires.
Men spoke about how they often feel shame sleeping with a lot of women and that this is hollow, ego based much of the time and they acknowledged the male privilege where this was considered ok for men but not for women in many cultures. They shared their appreciation of women who value themselves and a desire to be more aware of the invisible privilege and listen to the experience of others.
Both groups were deeply grateful for the humility, integrity and candour of the sharing and the intensification of the connection that builds bridges where maybe there were just stepping stones.
If you would like to explore these areas within your own life and with your lovers, loved ones and beloveds then get in touch and let’s open this doorway to pleasure, safety, comfort and deep connection to yourself and others.
with blessings
Soleil