self confidence does not equal self worth

One of the biggest realizations I had throughout my life, was that self confidence does not automatically mean you feel self worth. let me explain.

I was quite a shy child and getting up in front of people to dance or sing was totally uncomfortable. my mum kept telling everyone I had a good voice and wanted me to sing. I knew I had a good voice but I would be so embarrassed and mortified.

However, one of the things I made myself do even at a young age, was go in the school plays which were in  front of about a hundred people and later at high school I even did a lone stint singing in front of an audience of about 300 people. I felt the fear and did it anyway. So I looked confident but underneath I had deep insecurities of not being good enough. I just had a lot of courage, and always have.

Does this sound like you? You can talk in front of a crowd, maybe run a top level boardroom meeting, negotiate deals, go into battle for your kids, but underneath at some level you feel unworthy and unlovable, not good enough or a bit of a fraud? It doesn't matter how many skills you have, they don't make up for the inner feeling of being less than.

When we playact being confident we can indeed feel like a fraud. So, what to do?

There is one solution to this, and only one and it is not something you learnt at school and often not at home. School and parents often fall into the trap of encouraging you for what you  can do, not who you are as a person so you learn that this is the way to get love; by being good at stuff.

Time to be your own parent. Its time to love and care for yourself like the best parent ever, to be gentle and accepting of yourself, to love whatever comes up, mistakes you make or emotions you have.

You don't have to be a better person, you are already amazing, and it all comes from within.

So start giving yourself compliments, apologising to yourself for all those times you have treated yourself unkindly and start saying the words to yourself you have always wanted to hear; like 'you are good enough', ;'you are special' 'your are worthy' 'you deserve it'.

Let me know how you go over the coming weeks. It takes practice but you can feel positive changes very quickly. Good luck and ciao for now, Soleil